Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
