I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
