Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
