I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
