member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
