The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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