i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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