mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
