I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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