also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
