Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
