She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
