No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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