we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
