he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
