College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
