im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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