i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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