Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
