Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
