you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
