Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
