You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
