You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
