Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
