I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
