Small penises have feelings too.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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