Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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