I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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