You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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