he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
