hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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