We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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