If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
