Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
