I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
