I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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