My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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