I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
