I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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