Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
