false alarm. still invincible.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
