Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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