He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
