What did we do last night that was yellow?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
