no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
