Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
