At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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