I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
