Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
