yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
