I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
