Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
