Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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