don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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